Here I stand, 3 weeks into my NQT life and what a ride it has been so far. There have definitely been more ups than downs (I’m not even sure I’d say there’s been any downs so far). I am learning so much every day. I can’t wait every single day to get into the classroom and get started.
The only wobble I’ve had so far was when I was asked when I could be observed. (I knew it was coming, but the DREAD I feel is real). You’d think having been observed weekly (sometimes twice weekly) last year, that I’d be used the observations, but no. I still get uneasy around them. I think it’s the “judgement” side of it. This is the only job I want to do, in fact I know it’s the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life, so to hear that I’m potentially not doing brilliantly terrifies me. I’m a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak, so yeah… that’s something. Don’t get me wrong, I know I can’t be perfect all the time. I know this. I’m one of these people who doesn’t believe there’s such a thing as an outstanding teacher… I just think there’s teachers who can teach outstanding lessons and for me that’s a MASSIVELY different thing. No one’s at their utter best ALL THE TIME. That’d be exhausting. (I’m rambling now, sorry guys)
I still have to pinch myself that yes I do have my own class, I have my own kids – everything that goes down in that classroom is our doing: me and my kids. It’s still quite a surreal feeling. But it’s also bloody incredible. Having worked for SO MANY YEARS to get here, getting here is taking a bit of processing. There are days where I still feel like I’m “playing” at being a teacher and that someone is going to come along and just burst my bubble. I think that will take a while to get rid of tbh.
It’s a brilliant thing reaching your goals, but there’s always more. However, for now, I’m celebrating where I am. Now that I’m here I want to be the best I can be – it’s what I deserve, it’s what my kids deserve, it’s what every single person who believed in me deserves. The hard work isn’t over yet, it’s just started in fact. I’m here, with my own classroom, but this is only the start of my journey. I’m on this amazing learning curve with this amazing bunch of kids and a brilliantly group of staff who are supporting me and I genuinely couldn’t feel any luckier. I am learning from the kids, from myself, from all of my colleagues. I think that’s something I’ve always strived for… to never stop learning. I’m in a profession now where that’s something that will happen. I have to keep learning because EVERY SINGLE DAY is different.
It’s quite lush sitting in my classroom at the end of the day and thinking about what’s happened through the day. The amount of progress I feel my kids are making is just lovely. Their enthusiasm, their determination, their resilience astounds me so much. There’s something very special about that enthusiasm and excitement of learning that I hope they never lose. For me, it’s those moments.
It’s that little girl’s face when she made the connection between the purple bird and the boy’s purple pen in Journey; it’s another boy’s face when he used incredible mathematical vocabulary to describe a process; it’s seeing their faces when they finally hit their goal having struggled a bit; it’s the YET about all of it.
Seeing the tiniest and biggest bits of joy that make it worthwhile for me.
I love my job. It’s not all plain sailing. But I’m not here to whinge. I’m here to be thankful and celebrate everything that’s happened so far.
I feel lucky every single day that I walk though that door.