Hi, this post is going to be a little different from things I normally post. It’s not going to be a book review, or about school particularly, more about me. Something a bit more personal. If this isn’t something you’re into then please feel free to stop reading now, but if you want to keep reading then please do. I don’t get personal here often and don’t worry it’s not going to be too deep, just a little peek into my world.
You’re still here? Excellent. Hello lovely reader, it’s a pleasure to have you here! Without further ado here we go…
Some of you may not know this about me but I worry about EVERYTHING. I think everything over. I overthink all of the things. I analyse everything. I lie in bed and worry about everything. MY brain can’t switch itself off. I know this is common, I know people worry so I don’t think I’m any different or special at all. I just know that in the past few years I have definitely learned ways in which I can make these worries, these spells of overthinking a little less, well, bearable.
What do I worry about? Failure. It makes me worry so much. I have been known NOT to do something because I’m so scared that I’ll fail. (Part of me thinks that’s why it took me so long to get into teaching, but I’m on the road to it now!) Lateness. Gives me such nervousness. The thought of being late just now puts such butterflies in my stomach. No sir. Not for me. Being on time is being late for me. I like to be 5-10 mins early at least. My friends and family all know this about me and accept it. Changing plans/spontaneous planning. I’m not impulsive at all, I can’t bear a change of plans last minute. I like plans and I like to know what I’m doing before the event and I like to know how it’s going to play out way in advance. I am a planner. Unexpected changes of plan do not sit well with me. Freak me out. If you say we’re going here for lunch and last minute change plans I’ll accept it but internally I will be freaking the freak out. Saying/doing the wrong thing. So here’s the thing, I am definitely a people pleaser but I’m also an adult. I am not going to feed you a load of tripe. I will tell you the truth. But it gives me holy internal hell when I think I’ve done the wrong thing or said the wrong thing. I’ve always been rubbish at saying no, in fears of disapproval, so I am definitely learning how to say no. I am just much happier with life running smoothly thanks.
Like I say I know I’m not the only person who suffers with these kinds of thoughts and nor am I someone is overtaken by my thoughts, but they are still there. And it’s important that I found things that help when I’m in these kinds of states.
So what helps?
Friends – I have this group of incredible pocket friends who just are my everything. They are here when I’m happy, sad, confused, irate, rambling… and they always know just what to say (generally it’s about books or tea, because they know me well). Everyone should have pocket friends they can rely on when they are needed most. Recently I needed time and they just accepted it and they messaged me to check I was OK. I don’t know how I got so lucky to deserve them. (I have a blog post coming up dedicated to them). Go find yourself some friends, be it in real life or pocket friends, who you know you can rely on at all times.
Getting out of the house – its SO MUCH EASIER to stay in the house, in bed, hidden away with Netflix on. Don’t get me wrong, I do this sometimes. But I get cabin fever quickly. Even if I go for a walk, it helps, getting out of the house. My favourite place to go is the seaside. There’s something incredibly medicinal about the seaside. I’m all for the powers of the sea. Get out of the house, walk to the bottom of your street, look at flowers or something.
Family – I’ve already talked about friends and I am very lucky in that I have an incredible family as well as an incredible bunch of friends. I have a huge family. I have come to learn that I’m allowed to lean on my family when I am feeling rubbish. They’ll let me rant, they’ll invite me round to just exist together, they’ll take me to the seaside. My brother has always been one of my best friends and I’m lucky that he still is. He might live 100s of miles away but he will always listen to me and he’s my biggest fan. I’m lucky that I have my gorgeous twiglets in my life. I love them more than life itself. Text your mam, your brother/sister, ask to go round to someone’s house.
Books – go figure, books are in my list. Now you can guarantee that I will have a book on me at all times. There’s generally a book (or my kindle) in my bag at all times. If I don’t have a book, I don’t feel complete. I don’t have fail safe books that I read when I’m feeling certain things but I do believe in the power books. They’re so full of journeys, strength, wisdom… it’s hard not to love books. Pick up a book, read a poem, get lost in someone else’s journey and you might just find yourself.
These are the things which help me. I’m not saying they’ll help everyone but they help me. There’s other things too which help – working (bizarre choice I know but my job is something which gives me a great deal of happiness), watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race (love it, if I could be as fierce as half of these drag queens!), listening to music (what I listen to depends on my mood), singing in the shower (generally a power ballad or something from a musical!) among other things!
I think one of the most important things to do though is not be afraid to tell people that you’re feeling the way you do. Silence only breeds silence. Talk to people. They’ll support you and if they don’t then they’re not worth having around.
Thank you for reading, sorry I rambled so much! I would love to know what things you do when you’re feeling a bit mismatched. Let me know in the comments or on twitter, I am always here for a chat!